Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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