omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
did i just pee glitter
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
