I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
