the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
