Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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