We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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