I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
