I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This baby is an asshole
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
