She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
