It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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