I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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