Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
