Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
