remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
