Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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