It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
