Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
