The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
