it's too hot outside to masturbate.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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