apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
