We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
