He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
