it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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