How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
