I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
