The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
