You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize