Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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