Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize