btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
