You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
