Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I look better un-naked...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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