Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
