I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
