So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
