accomplished twins. life is a go
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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