i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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