Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
