I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
