I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I didn't notice because vodka
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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