I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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