She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
