Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
