The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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