I think I died a long time ago.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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