I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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