He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
