if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
