Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
