hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
