Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
