ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
