I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
