it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
