She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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