Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
