So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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