i think my mom watched the whole time
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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