I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
