I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
