have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
