meet me or not, i'm out of control
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
