you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize