Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
