Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
