My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
