I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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