So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Can I color on your dick again?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We need a shit load of segways right now
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
