Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
