he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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