You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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