my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Drunk is a universal language darling
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
