Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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