george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
