i just had sex bonerless
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
