my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
