i just wanna soil my oats bro
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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