Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
