I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
