Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
