Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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