I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just blew my weed a kiss
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
