First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
