I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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