can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
