i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
