my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
