Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
