Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Houston, we have a squirter
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
