i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
