Can i not drive my cunt home
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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