You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
