I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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