Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
