Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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